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Separation doesn't silence abuse; it just changes its tune. Logic would dictate that once a person leaves an abusive situation, they would be free from abuse. Sadly, studies show that in 40-80% of cases abuse continues post-separation and often escalates ( Spearman, Hardesty & Campbell, 2022 ). Post-separation abuse is coercive and controlling behavior that persists after separation with the intent to gain, regain or maintain control over an ex-partner. This behavior often in

Remember when you were a kid and you had to share with a sibling or a friend? Kneeling down so you to make sure you both have the exact same amount in each cup. Splitting everything down the middle so ‘everyone would be happy’? Was anyone really happy? Compromise is the easy way, not the fair way or the best way. We do it because we want to avoid confrontation, avoid hearing NO and to avoid a fight. Our brains and bodies are trained to go towards safety and move away from pai

In my previous post I discussed the importance of determining what matters most to your ex and what drives your ex’s behavior and decisions. This is only step one, step two is demonstrating that you understand what is important to your ex, in order to gain your ex’s trust. In his book, Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It© Chris Voss talks about the concept of Tactical Empathy and how it is a crucial element in successful negotiations. Let’

Our brains have been designed to steer us towards pleasure and away from pain. Most of us do whatever possible to avoid any type of conflict or criticism. Consequently, when we are about to deliver bad news or have a difficult discussion, most of us will start the conversation beating around the bush, trying to smooth the other party over and trying to make what you are about to say a little less painful. We are deathly afraid of drawing any more attention to the negative tha

“Though the intensity may differ from person to person, you can be sure that everyone you meet is driven by two primal urges: the need to feel safe and secure, and the need to feel in control. If you satisfy those drives, you’re in the door” - Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference© My husband met Chris Voss a few years ago at the 2016 AFP Finance & Treasury Conference where Chris Voss was sharing excerpts from his newly released book Never Split The Difference: Negotiating

If you are a parent going through a divorce, I know you've spent countless hours worrying about the long term effects your divorce may have on your child. All good parents worry about this but rest assured, research shows that as long as children have one stable, secure, supportive, loving parent, they are better equipped to withstand the divorce. Most parents work hard to be the best parents they can be; however, we often aren't aware of how we inadvertently hurt the childr

1. Provide Unconditional Love & Support to Your Adult Child A grandparent’s natural tendency is usually to care for the grandchild above all else. Under normal circumstances, this may work well, but in a divorce, a grandparent’s first priority should be to support their adult child. If your adult child doesn’t feel supported this can affect their ability to parent well and may also affect your opportunities to spend time with their grandchildren. A divorce is the second most

I learned a new term recently which explains why I struggle with certain decision making and excel at others. It’s called ADHD paralysis and it’s very similar to what many of my clients experience when in the midst of a divorce . This paralysis traps a person between “there is so much information to consider” and “I can’t make up my mind”. This can result in procrastination, avoidance and sometimes complete decision paralysis which renders one unable to act on any decision u

With our constant need to be entertained you wouldn’t think we crave predictability and consistency, but we do. We complain about boredom, but we resist change because transitions, and changes to our routines tend to cause us stress. Now imagine being a child whose parents are divorced…and you have to change households every week...every week you pack up your things, move to a different place, sleep in a different bed, follow different rules and just when you get acclimated,