My Story
Trish & her Family
Part 1: How Did I Get Here?
Do you ever look at your life & wonder where it all went wrong?
For years my life had been spiraling out of control. I couldn't seem to figure out why, much less fix it. As a fierce, strong, independent, highly educated woman, this was baffling to me. Then I had a life-changing moment...It was the moment where everything changed for me...and for everyone around me. I finally recognized that, for over 25 years, I had been a victim of coercive control. It explained why, despite my best efforts, my life never seemed to change for the better.
Part 2: Why didn't somebody tell me the abuse would get worse after I left?
When I ended the relationship, I was completely unaware of how dangerous it can be to leave a person who uses coercive and controlling behaviors. Never did I think that the coercive control could get worse. I entered the divorce process naively thinking that as two rational adults, we would split everything amicably & would agree on what was best for the children.
Boy was I wrong!
We never had the same approach to finances nor child rearing, so why would I expect that to improve once we were separated? Clearly, I didn't have a full grasp of the fact that an abuser does not stop abusing after you leave...quite the contrary.
I didn't anticipate:
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years of post-separation abuse.
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multiple court battles.
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false allegations levied against me.
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not seeing my children again.
The experience very isolating, despite being surrounded by loving family. No one could relate to what I was going through. No one knew what I needed. How could they…I didn’t even know what I needed.
I started hearing what was meant to be well meaning advice like:
"Be the bigger person & just let it go"- insinuating that I am making the conflict worse by standing up for myself.
"Tell him he doesn't have to pay you child support then he'll stop harassing you." - negating the fact that child support is the right of the child & making me wonder why the kids & I have to sacrifice in order to be treated like human beings.
"Just wait for the boomerang effect, the kids will come back." - lawyer's advice after my ex violated our court order & refused to return the children to me. WORST ADVICE EVER! If I listened to that advice, I likely would never have seen my children again.
I worked with every type of professional imaginable & not one of them was able to help me navigate the process effectively nor protect our children from my ex-husband's coercive control. Many of these professionals were in my corner but none could pull it all together and help me protect myself and my children.
Over the years our team consisted of 29 professionals:
6 lawyers
2 Parent Coordinators
3 Mediator/Arbitrators
2 Financial Advisers
1 Forensic Accountant
10 Therapists
2 Reunification Therapists
4 Judges.
Part 3: Surviving and Helping Others Do the Same
The trauma our family experienced is indescribable, however it's become the inspiration for the work I do now.
I started educating myself on what could have & should have been done differently throughout my divorce & how I could have avoided some of the carnage that ensued.
It wasn't enough for me to just survive this traumatizing ordeal. I wanted to learn how to do for others, which I wish someone had done for me...provide guidance & strategies for mitigating a high conflict divorce.
So much was lost during those12 years of struggling to keep my family afloat, while my ex was trying to make good on his promise of leaving me homeless, penniless & without the children.
He succeeded in leaving a path of devastation & destruction...however, despite this, I've been able to come out the other side more intact & content than before.
I've been able to discover new things about myself, determine what really matters to me & determine how I can contribute to the world. Now is my chance to ensure some good comes from this experience!
It gives me great pleasure to use my acquired knowledge to help parents restructure their lives, while facing opponents who are intent on destroying it. I am on a mission to help others prepare and be ready for the battle that they face. I want to arm you with the knowledge, resources and tools you can use to protect you, your children and your assets from devastation and destruction.
So when you are ready, email, call, text, or book an appointment and we can get you started on your path to protection.
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