Trish Guise, MBA, PMDCâ„¢Â
Divorce & Pre-Mediation Coach
Podcast Host: Sh*t I Learned From My Divorce™
Award Winner: 2021 Advocate & Catalyst for Change
Co-Author, Amazon Best Seller: Women of Inspiration - Women Driving Change
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Why do I need a Divorce Coach if I already have a Lawyer?
Hiring a lawyer is usually one of the 1st things people do when they want to divorce their spouse.
Hiring a lawyer is a prudent thing to do but most of us do so with
NO KNOWLEDGE of:
-
what a lawyer can and can't do
-
what the divorce process looks like
-
what is expected of you, the client
-
what to look for when hiring a lawyer
We enter the divorce process completely blind and as a result, we become blind-sided throughout the process.
We naively believe that our lawyer will provide comfort and reassurance, a sense of calm and direction, protection from emotional upheaval.
​
Family Law is more about PSYCHOLOGY than it is about LAW in some respects.
​
Lawyers
-
trained to focus on LEGAL aspects of divorce
-
specifically how the law pertains to the facts of your case
-
not so much about right vs wrong, nor is it about what's fair...the focus is on the law and the facts
​
Divorce Coaches
-
trained to focus on emotional/psychological aspects of divorce, which often make up 80% of family law issues.
-
while also helping you focus on the facts when presenting your case to your lawyer, mediator, parent coordinator or judge.
​​
Working with a Divorce Coach can save you money in the long run:
a) Divorce Coaches have lower hourly rate.
​
b) Divorce Coaches keep the process on track to help reduce the cost of needless delays.
Common complaints people have when they don't have a
Divorce Coach on their team:
Huge legal bills with nothing to show for it.
​"Two years & thousands in legal feels so far, yet I don't even have my ex's full financial disclosure yet. What have I been paying for?"
Slow Progress - it takes way too long to achieve any results.
"At each turn, something always gets delayed. I feel like I'm in a perpetual holding pattern."
​
"I'm on a constant loop of waiting to hear back from my lawyer, who waits to hear back from opposing counsel, who waits to hear back from my ex. It's insanity"
Difficulty Communicating with Lawyer
"It's like my lawyer doesn't understand or doesn't believe me when I tell them how coercively controlling & narcissistic my ex is. My lawyer doesn't seem to be as concerned as I am about the damage it's doing to my kids."
​
"It feels like my lawyer wants me to compromise with my ex instead of advocating for what I am entitled to. Just because I am the more reasonable party, doesn't mean I should have to give up everything to my ex."
"There has to be a better way to do this."
Thankfully, there is a better way to do this...
Work with a
Divorce Coach!
How can a Divorce Coach Help Me?
The Process:
How Does Divorce Coaching Work?
1. History Intake:
It's important Trish knows certain particulars about your situation in order to provide you with the most comprehensive assistance.
Prior to your 1st session you will complete an intake form that will provide Trish with basic information about your situation and why you are seeking help.
​
Your 1st session will begin with talking in further detail about your situation, your needs, your concerns and your fears and will gradually move into the strategy part of the process.
Some of the information you will provide:
-
current relationship status (ie. contemplating separation, separated, etc.)
-
information about your children
-
information about any pending or current court orders or proceedings
-
any incidences or threats of domestic violence, coercive control, suicide ideation, substance abuse etc.
​
2. Safety:
-
Your safety as well as your children's is always a top priority. Everything else is secondary.
-
This holds true throughout the process and at every stage.
-
Safety can be compromised at any stage, even after a divorce is finalized.
​
3. Next Steps & Strategy
Accounting for the stage you are in, Trish will discuss with you typical next steps, pitfalls to anticipate & how to prepare for them.
​
Please note:
The following is a short summary of some of the Divorce Coaching services Trish offers. It is not an exhaustive list and may not list everything that your situation requires. The specifics of how Trish can assist with your particular situation can only be determined during your 1st session with Trish & after she fully understands your relationship history and particulars of the situation.
​
EXAMPLES of ISSUES DISCUSSED in DIVORCE COACHING SESSIONS
Not separated yet but want to leave relationship.
-
Developing a safe exit plan.
-
Protecting belongings and assets prior to separation.
-
Separation plan & 1st steps
-
How to talk to spouse and kids about separation.
-
What to expect during the separation phase
Lawyers
-
Do you need a lawyer? When do you need to hire a lawyer
-
Hiring a lawyer: questions to ask, red flags
-
What information to present to your lawyer
-
How to streamline communication between you and your lawyer
Mediation
-
Is mediation the best dispute resolution method for your situation?
-
Choosing a mediator
-
Understand the process and components of mediation
-
Prepare mediation agenda, proposals, counter proposals
-
Anticipate your ex’s responses.
-
What to do if mediation is unsuccessful.
​
Financials
-
Financial disclosure: what is it, what you have to provide, how to obtain it from your ex and what to do if
-
Calculating Child & Spousal Support
-
How to determine how much is required to support yourself & children
-
Can my ex force me back to work? Can income be imputed?
-
How is income determined if one of us has our own business?
-
Who is responsible for the debts we have?
-
Do we have to sell the house or can one of us keep it?
Parenting Plan
-
How to construct a Parenting Plan that is specific enough to minimize conflict but flexible enough to account for different developmental stages.
-
Anticipating issues that may arise in the future
Communicating with your ex
-
Communicating with a difficult ex
-
Handling toxic emails from your ex
-
Handling the fear/anxiety you when you receive messages from your ex
Co-Parenting & Parenting your Child Through Divorce
-
Can parents co-parent when they can’t get along?
-
Who should be making decisions for the kids?
-
How to tell the kids about the divorce.
-
How to help the kids through the divorce
-
When kids don’t want to go to the other parent’s house.
-
Should kids be allowed to decide where they want to live?
Coercive Control
-
Signs of coercive control & how it affects parenting
-
How coercive control affects children
-
How to respond to coercive control
-
How do the courts handle coercive control?
Court: Preparing for & Gathering Evidence
-
Documenting issues and concerns.
-
Presenting evidence to your lawyer
-
How to present in court
Trish is a licensed provider of Bill Eddy’s New Ways for Families® Training.
Why do I need a Divorce Coach
if I already have a Lawyer?
Hiring a lawyer is usually one of the 1st things people do when they want to divorce their spouse.
Hiring a lawyer is a prudent thing to do but most of us do so without
NO KNOWLEDGE of:
-
what a lawyer can and can't do
-
what the divorce process looks like
-
what is expected of you, the client
-
what to look for when hiring a lawyer
We enter the divorce process completely blind and as a result, we become blind-sided throughout the process.
We naively believe that our lawyer will provide comfort and reassurance, a sense of calm and direction, protection from emotional upheaval.
​
Family Law is more about PSYCHOLOGY than it is about LAW in some respects.
​
Lawyers are trained to focus on LEGAL aspects of divorce.
They focus specifically on how the law pertains to the facts of the case.​
It's not about right vs. wrong, nor is it about what is fair...only facts and the law.
​​
Divorce Coaches are
-
trained to focus on the emotional & psychological aspects of divorce, which often make up 80% of family law issues.
-
trained to help you focus on the facts when presenting your case to your lawyer, mediator, parent coordinator or judge.
​​
Working with a Divorce Coach can save you money in the long run.
-
Divorce Coaches charge at a lower hourly rate than lawyers.
-
​Divorce Coaches keep the process on track to reduce needless delays.
​
Common complaints of people without a Divorce Coach on their team:
Huge legal bills with nothing to show for it.
​"Two years & thousands in legal feels so far, yet I don't even have my ex's full financial disclosure yet. What have I been paying for?"
Slow Progress - it takes way too long to achieve any results.
"At each turn, something always gets delayed. I feel like I'm in a perpetual holding pattern."
​
"I'm on a constant loop of waiting to hear back from my lawyer, who waits to hear back from opposing counsel, who waits to hear back from my ex. It's insanity"
Difficulty Communicating with Lawyer
"It's like my lawyer doesn't understand or doesn't believe me when I tell them how coercively controlling & narcissistic my ex is. My lawyer doesn't seem to be as concerned as I am about the damage it's doing to my kids."
​
"It feels like my lawyer wants me to compromise with my ex instead of advocating for what I am entitled to. Just because I am the more reasonable party, doesn't mean I should have to give up everything to my ex."
"There has to be a better way to do this."
Thankfully, there is a better way to do this...Work with a Divorce Coach!
How Can a Divorce Coach Help
Keep My Head in the Game?
Most people think divorce battles are primarily
about money & parenting ..but in reality,
what people struggle with the most is
loss of control & the loss of confidence.
​
You start questioning your abilities,
your judgement and your sanity,
especially if you're afraid for your safety
or a victim of coercive control.
​
You lose trust in your judgement as a parent...
especially if your ex is undermining or
criticizing your decisions.
You have trouble making decisions.
Overwhelmed by the number of decisions to be made
& their impact on you and your children.
​
You become controlled by anger and hurt
which impacts your ability to make the
best decisions for your children.
You feel no one believes you
making it difficult to advocate for yourself and your children.
It's difficult to know what to expect when you aren't prepare.
It's difficult to be prepared when no one tells you what to expect.
What Experts are Saying
In her perseverance as a true Advocate, she has guided others to find their way through the heartache of divorce and post separation abuse.
Trish has already shown herself to be an irrefutable force in guiding emotionally distraught people in the throes of legal abuse enhanced by family court by bringing peace into their lives by giving them positive coping skills to help lead a healthier life.
​
In her advocacy, Trish has found that through her diligent work in helping others, advocacy has in fact chosen her.
Mary Ann Petri. Author of "Dismantling Family Court Corruption" & Host of "Slam the Gavel" Podcast
DON'T QUIT
WHEN THINGS GO WRONG, as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging, seems all up hill
When the funds are low & debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest, if you must...
but DON'T YOU QUIT!
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up,
though the pace seems slow...
You might succeed with another blow.
​
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late,
when the night slipped down,
How close he was
to the golden crown.
​
Success is failure turned inside out...
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt...
And you never can tell
how close you are,
It may be near
when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight
when you are hardest hit...
It's when things seem worst that
YOU MUST NOT QUIT!
​
-Author Unknown