Communicating with your Difficult Ex
Responding to Messages
Cooperative communication between divorced parents is ideal but is not realistic nor appropriate to in situations involving coercive control and other forms of abuse.
Power imbalances make it difficult to resolve issues, to make decisions in a timely manner and to make them in the best interest of the children.
STEP 1: Which Messages Require a Response?
Distinguish between messages that warrant a response & those that don't.
Some messages are sent solely to elicit an unhinged emotional response.
STEP 2: How Do I Respond?
BIFF® & Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference Negotiation Strategies will leave you better prepared to handle any message that comes your way.
STEP 3: Practice, Practice, Practice
Responding without emotion, explanation, nor justification & only dealing with pertinent facts, doesn't come naturally to most of us.
What kind of practice do Trish's clients receive?
Trish engages her clients in role-playing allowing them to practice a variety of potential scenarios.
She also works with her clients on writing draft responses to messages they have received from their ex.
Trish reviews the drafts to ensure the learned principles are applied and a clear, non-emotional message will be what their ex receives.
Does communicating with your ex make you anxious?
Does every conversation turn into a fight?
Do your emotional reactions dilute your message?
If you said YES, then contact Trish to get started.
Your Response to Conflict
Managing how you respond is instrumental in surviving your divorce.
It requires you to train your body & mind to distinguish between real, and perceived threats.
It requires you to identify your ‘triggers’ & determine how they influence your responses.
Trish will help you learn to react calmly & rationally when faced with false allegations or aggressive communication.
Learn to Self-Regulate
Once you become aware of your 'triggers' you can then learn to emotionally regulate yourself.
In order to self-regulate, you need to learn to validate your feelings & experiences.
Only then will you be more apt to interpret situations rationally and thus, react rationally.
This process is a difficult one, particularly when embarking on it alone.
Trish has extensive training in Emotional Regulation &can guide you through:
We can't expect others to validate our feelings if we don’t validate them ourselves
Radical Acceptance “it is what it is”
Denial keeps us in a victim mindset & exacerbates suffering.
“why me?” or “this is so unfair”.
Pain is inevitable in life, however radical acceptance prevents that pain from turning into suffering.
See things they way they are…without inference… without interpretation…without judgement.
Driven by emotions, perception & logic.
Allows you to see the whole picture rather see information in a distorted or amplified way.
Set & Maintain Limits
Determine how much you can tolerate without resentment.
It ends the counterproductive blame game.